Spiders and Cervical Cancer: Fears of the past hour

The night before last a spider apparently repelled from the ceiling, landed on my face, and then bit me on and around my eyes. So, in addition to looking like I had an allergic reaction to Botox I am terrified that there is perhaps a spider living in my eye, or that laid eggs in my eye.

I keep thinking of that Un Chien Anadalou movie where there are bugs coming out of that guy's hand. I think they're ants. Look it up.

So, I'm probably fine, but every article I looked up told me to call the Poison Control Center. I probably won't because I just want to take a nap after work.

Speaking of poison, apparently that Gardasil vaccine that's supposed to make you not get HPV and/or cancer is killing people and/or paralyzing them, which is super great to know because my sister was going to get her second shot soon.
So basically, I saved her life.

More unsettling is that I already had all of those shots and I'm still alive, but now all unexplained weirdness I feel will be attributed to Gardasil. Or I'll blame it on that time I stole something from "some unnamed store" just for fun. I've been waiting on the universe to get me back for that one.  I don't know what to believe ever on the internet because everyone is so dramatic all the time. So maybe I saved her life. Or maybe it's fine and I'm just perpetuating propaganda. I don't know.
Make your own decisions.

Have a good day,
Love,
 the sleepiest, swollenest girl in the world.